Not For a Moment

Sometimes, things happen that shed light on my current emotional state and I’m caught by surprise.  I am happily going through life, thinking that I’m finally starting to float above water (admittedly it’s been a long time coming) and then something happens that knocks me off my sea legs again.  This morning, we were giving my son his 2 shots of insulin.  He gets two in the morning because one is a long acting insulin that helps to keep him regulated during the day without food, and the other is short acting that helps to counteract the carbohydrates he eats.  Something went awry with his long acting shot, and when he removed the needle from his leg the insulin seeped back out of his leg.  We can’t just give him the shot again, because we don’t know how much seeped out and how much was absorbed.  Because this insulin is effective for 24 hours, a mistake in the wrong direction with this could be very dangerous.  So, we’re forced to go through the day just watching him very, very closely, and checking his urine for ketones when he goes to the bathroom.

As I called the emergency line to have the diabetes doctor paged I had a sudden wave of fear wash over me.  It was then that I realize that even though we don’t live in the same sort of high level of alert as we did when he was first diagnosed, there is still an underlying fear that rears it’s ugly head whenever things are off with his regimen.

As we went to church today I was checking my phone almost non-stop for his blood glucose numbers.  As we went up for communion, I was keenly aware of the gift of being able to do so with him.  When the Lay Eucharistic Minister bent over to let him get the wine, I thanked her for bending down for him because I know her back hurts and it’s hard for her to do so.  She said she’d do anything to make the kids feel welcome at the altar. I started crying because it meant so much to me to see him valued in such a way.

It’s a funny thing about a health crisis in your kid.  You realize real quickly how temporary our time here on earth is.  How frail our human bodies truly are.  It’s true for everyone, but a health crisis magnifies it in a way that reminds you.

Not For a Moment

You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see 
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away

Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me

And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my heart at my worst when my world falls down

Not for a moment will you forsake me

Even in the dark, even when it’s hard
You will never leave me

After all You are constant

 

I’ve spent the day giving my fears to God.  Being a Christian doesn’t take away our fears.  It doesn’t mean we don’t ever grieve, or experience loss, or get disappointed or let down.  It just means that we have a place to put those fears and feelings that is not temporary, like we are.  We have a Savior that is omnipresent, always in the details, always waiting for us to come crawl into His lap and let Him comfort us.

After all, He is Constant.

Just a reminder that starting Saturday we’ll be reading Present over Perfect together, with a goal to finish it by the end of the year as we prepare our hearts and minds for 2018.  We’ll be discussing the introduction and section 1, “sea-change” beginning on Saturday.  Several of us are listening to the book on Audible, so if you’re having a hard time finding time to sit down with a book, that’s an option too 🙂  I’d really love for us to share our journey through this book over in my Facebook Group: Nailing Jello to a Tree Sisterhood.  It’s my goal that this would be a space where we encourage each other as we walk through the different things in life that come at us.

Love, Semalee

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